Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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