so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
