six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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