would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
