I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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