i can't believe i had my finger in that
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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