I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You can't special order awesome
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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