Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
