Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
