I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
