So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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