i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Too much gin, very little bucket
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
