I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
