separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
