I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
