I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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