hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
