Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
