My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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