he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
