WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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