Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
