I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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