haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending