i jhust puked up my retainher.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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