it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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