It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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