apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
