just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize