my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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