I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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