Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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