No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
