my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Congratulations! We have a period
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