It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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