We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
