I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
