You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
