I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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