Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
