it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
