shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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