I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
