I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
PANTIES FOUND
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