I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think your dad took our porno
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
