Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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