The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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