Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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