can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
