I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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