I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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