Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
