11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
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ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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