If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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