Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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