So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
