my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
