so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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