you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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