Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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