Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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