Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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