piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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