finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
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Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
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So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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