i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
