he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
