take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
MIDGETS
????
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
