she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
